On the heels of our failed frozen embryo transfer cycle, I got a message from an extended family member (she is biologically unrelated – my husband’s side of the family is quite complicated) offering to be a surrogate and/or donate eggs if needed. I know this young woman is fertile, as she just had her second baby, less than two years after her first. She explained to me just how fertile she was, though. Her first baby was conceived with a man that doctors said would never father children.
As we are dealing with male factor infertility, the idea that my husband could have a baby if I were only super fertile was crushing. The idea that I might want to try someone else’s eggs because my husband’s sperm is so bad, and that it might actually work, is horrifically twisted to me. Yes, I’m sure that’s possible. And we are considering donor sperm, because it’s possible I could conceive with super sperm, or even normal sperm, which, I guess, isn’t much different, but the incredible injustice of having to sacrifice at every step for someone else’s problem contorts my heart into an ugly mass. I know she only means well, but the message was extremely painful. And my husband doesn’t understand at all.
So, as good as your intentions are, please don’t ever tell someone with fertility issues how fertile you area.